By Raam

Director: Farah Khan
Banner: Three’s Company, UTV Motion Pictures, Hari Om Productions
Writer: Shirish Kunder
Cinematagrophy: P.S.Vinod
Editor: Shirish Kunder
Music: Vishal Shekar
Cast: Akshay Kumar, Katrina Kaif, Akshaye Khanna, Anil Kapoor, Sachin Khedekar, Aman Varma, Murli Sharma, Raghu Ram, Rajiv Laxman, Apara Mehta

E: Poora time Waste

Well, Farah Khan’s previous two films never had any logic in them, but they were entertaining to the core and of course there was the presence of SRK in both her previous attempts. Now, for her third, Tees Maar Khan, she breaks off from her favourite actor and ropes in Akshay. So, does she deliver?

I’m afraid not. Tees Maar Khan leaves the audience perplexed as to why on earth did they ever buy a ticket to watch the film! Well, they can’t be blamed though for their mistake, as the film was coming from Farah Khan and of course it had the Sheila ki Jawani factor associated with it.

Why does this film fail to deliver? Let us see.

The Plot: Seriously speaking, there is no plot. But, since I sustained the film for a 130 minutes, I’ll reveal what was not there, I mean what was there, Oh! Whatever.

Akshay Kumar is born a conman, literally, he is born a conman. Akshay’s mother, played by the TV fame Apara Mehta is into watching films about dacoities and robbers while pregnant. The yet to be born Tabrez Mirza Khan learns the tricks the Abhimanyu way and becomes the most renowned conman, Tees Maar Khan.

Cut to the next scene, the police has seized stolen antiques weighing 10,000 kilos from two joined twins, played by Raghu Ram and Rajiv Laxman (MTv Roadies fame). These antiques are to be transported back to Delhi using a special train that wouldn’t be stopped anywhere unless it reaches the capital. So, police fear that the twins would try to claim the stolen treasure with the help of the Internationally renowned conman Tees Maar Khan.

TMK is approached by the twins just the way the police predict and he picks up the job. In a bid to steal the treasure, TMK plans to shoot a film in a village called Dhuliya via which the train is going to pass. For this purpose he ropes in the super star Aatish Kapoor (played by Akshaye Khanna) and the entire village to be a part of his film.

The rest of the story is about the shooting and how TMK manages to loot the treasure in the disguise of a director.

Technical Analysis: Well, the previous two films made by Farah didn’t boast of a fabulous storyline either, but Farah induced the typical masala of the seventies Hindi Cinema so wonderfully, that she was able to entertain people despite the clichéd story lines.

First things first, there is no SRK in the film and Farah Khan has not written the story. It’s by Shirish Kunder, Farah’s husband. So, Farah cannot be blamed for the inspired Italian plot penned by her husband and to defend her, I would want to feel, she only made this film out of an obligation of being Mrs. Kunder. Direction wise, we get to see a few touches of Farah’s love for the seventies ishtyle Bollywood acting, but only this time, it fails to make you laugh and only irritate.

Shirish Kunder has tried to influence the film heavily, apart from penning the story, he’s also written a couple of songs, the co-written the screenplay and the dialogues and also edited the movie, forgot to add, and the back ground score as well. The censor board has already objected to a few one liners from the film while a few even objected to the most famous item number in the recent times. Unfortunately, Mr.Kunder fails to deliver on all fronts.

The music by Vishal&Shekar is passable apart from the number Sheila. Besides, the songs in the movie only add to the audiences’ woes. The title track of the film though was composed by Shirish Kunder, though which is again, just alright.

Cinematography by P.S. Vinod is just O.K and a talented art director, Sabu Cyril’s work is wasted.

Artists’ Analysis: Akshay Kumar, after having a memorable two years (2007-2008) at the B.O, he has failed to impress ever since Chandni Chowk to China. Nothing is new from Akshay’s side apart from uttering stupid one liners.

Katrina, just one word – Nahiiiiiiiiiiiin!

A talented actor like Sachin Khedekar is wasted. The other cast involves Arya Babbar, Ali Asgar, Vijay Maurya, Vijay Patkar and senior artistes like Avtar Gill, Anjann Srivasata. Aman Varma and Murli Sharma play a gay couple. Akshaye Khanna and Anil Kapoor have done special roles and Sanjay Dutt does a voice over at the start of the film. Salman Khan appears in a khawali number.

Unfortunately, the performances of all the artists is just dismal and only leaves the audience frustrated.

I can only say one thing – ” naye Saal ko aane se aur Tees Maar Khan ko flop hone se koi nahin rok sakta “.

Janta janarthan ka kya grade hai????

A: Wah! Kya Film Hai , B: Paisa Vasool , C: Ek Baar Chalta Hai , D: Bakwaas , E: Poora time Waste

Katrina hit him so hard with her elbow that the shooting had to be stopped for a couple of hours. At the promotional event, the duo interacted with their fans and even danced to the hit item number “Sheila Ki Jawani”.

Akshay stated that he loves performing live in front of the audience as there is no chance of retakes.

“Tees Maar Khan” has hit the theatres today!

A source stated “Vidya might be upset. Rani definitely has got a more powerful role because she plays a journalist who is an extrovert and in-your-face while Vidya plays the victim’s sister who is very reserved and is soft-spoken.”

The source said further, “Now that’s the character sketch that was discussed with her over and over and over again. Vidya is also aware of other actors’ character sketches in the film. It’s impossibile that Rani’s role in the film would come to her as a surprise at such a later stage.”

Rani held a press conference all by herself without Vidya, she appeared in a reality show Emotional Atyachar, and now she is all set to shoot for Sony TV’s CID.

A close friend of Rani stated “Vidya is feeling left out as Rani is getting appreciation for her power-packed performance in the promos.”

But Nayar is determined to split from Hurley. Sources state that Arun has already consulted a team of lawyers. The source added “He doesn’t want to get back with Liz and has asked for legal options. Arun is not interested in monetary gains and, apparently, wants to make an example out of it by dumping Liz.”

The source said further, “This is what (a divorce) his family wants too. They want them to separate and they want Arun to have a life rather than attend events with Liz and play father to her son.”

The source said, “Arun’s close friends and family want him to be the proper head of the family and not lurk in the shadow of Liz. Arun was known in a few circles as Mr Liz Hurley, and everybody including Arun hated it.”

She proudly states “Tees Maar Khan bharpur entertainment movie hai, just like all my films (Tees Maar Khan is a complete entertainment package). It’s a good movie with good songs.”

The main attraction of the film is the item song “Sheila Ki Jawani” which has topped the charts and is driving everyone crazy.

An elated Katrina states “Indu is certainly very close. But the response I have got for Sheila is something that I will remember rest of my life.”

Liz posted a tweet on Twitter stating “The Indian press has to take top marks for fiction.”

She added “Sorry to rain on your parade Gossip Press, but Arun’s ‘ mystery brunette’ is his brother’s wife. Snigger(sic).”

The love triangle between Arun Nayar, Liz Hurley and Shane Warne is getting more and more complicated. Following her disastrous fling with Shane Warne, humiliated Liz Hurley wants to call off her divorce from Arun Nayar.

But Nayar is determined to split from Hurley. In an attempt to dispel the news as a rumor, Hurley posted a tweet “Bored now of silly speculations: no one is divorcing anyone yet (sic)!”

Following Vishal’s footsteps, Sooraj has made his recent release “Isi Life Mein” based on Shakespeare’s The Taming of the Shrew.

The lead actress of the film Sandeepa Dhar who also makes her debut in the film stated “Yes, in the film there is a scene where all of us are putting up a play which is called The Taming of the Shrew.

Akshay (Oberoi) and I play the lead protagonists in this play which actually forms an integral part of the film.” Sandeepa and Akshay will play the role of Katherine and Petruchio.

A source stated “The play is about Petruchio, a gentleman, and Katherine, a headstrong and stubborn shrew.”

The source stated further “Though to begin with, Katherine is an unwilling participant in the relationship, she turns into an obedient bride once Petruchio mellows her down with psychological ploys and eventually manages to ‘tame’ her.”

A source stated “When Farah and Katrina went to shoot the grand finale of STAR Plus’ cookery game show MasterChef India; she was so impressed with Akshay’s hospitality that she ended up offering Tees Maar Khan 2 to the actor.”

Akshay is pretty excited with this offer. The finale of MasterChef India will be aired on Saturday.

Vidhi recently made her directorial debut with “Isi Life Mein” in which Salman made a special appearance. Salman told Sooraj that he will be present during the promotion of the film.

He even stated that Vidhi should think of becoming an actress and if in the future she plans to do so, he will be glad to be her on-screen hero.

An insider stated “When Salman was shooting for his cameo; he was surprised to see that Vidhi opted to be behind the camera, rather than be in front of it. He felt Sooraj’s niece had the looks to be in the movies, rather than be a director.”

Vidhi stated, “That was Salman’s way of making me comfortable on the sets when he came to shoot! I was so nervous directing him in my first film especially because Sooraj maama and Salman share such a great rapport.”

Ramesh and Kamal will pair up for the ninth time in this film. With respect to his role in the film Ramesh states “I must say that the film has the most-expected combination that everyone looks forward to.”

He said further, “As far as my role is concerned, it’s not lengthy but crucial to the film’s plot. Whoever has seen it, says that it has quite an impact and yes, it was pretty tough essaying it too.”

He cheerfully states “Oh yes, that’s what people have been talking about. Kamal is a really good friend of mine and has been an inspiration for me throughout.”

He said further, “Since we share great comfort levels, we know each other’s strengths and work accordingly. He advises me on experimenting with new roles and has been a constant pillar of support.”